There’s something missing at home, I felt it day and night. I know it will take time and strength before things feel quite right.
But just for now, I need to mourn, my heart — it needs to mend. Though some may say it’s ‘just a pet’ I know I’ve lost a friend.
You’ve brought such laughter to my home, and richness to my days… A constant friend through joy or loss, with gentle loving ways.
Companion, pal and confidante, a friend I won’t forget. You’ll live forever in my heart, my sweet loving pet.
As I lay on my mat, feeling the ends of my tail tensed as the sickness crawls inside of me, I daydreamed about the time when mama and I visited her friend few days back. I overheard them talking about how bad my mama’s friend felt that day, she and her lover have broken up and she was crying terribly. I feel bad for her friend really, but I can’t help noticing the food of her friend’s pet, untouched. I’ve been trying hard to ignore it, and keep absolutely still in my place just what my mama told me, But the untouched food is just so tempting. I waited just a few more moments and see if mama is preoccupied with talking to her friend. Then I slowly make a move for it. Of course she noticed me, my mama, who seems to know exactly what I wanna do. But they’re kinda late, I’m already halfway through my meal. Now, I thought to myself, I would give everything and anything just to be able to taste food again.
I was born on Christmas eve and just before my papa left to work abroad, boarding on a ship going somewhere to the Pacific, he took me to his girlfriend’s house, my mama, as a post-Valentine’s gift. It was love at the very first hug, and I love how cuddly she is. They were worried that I would cry the first night, but also to my surprise, I felt right at home. And the food? Ooohhhh yes the food. I loved every bit of it. My mama knows my favorite and I loved her for it.
Being the baby in the house is absolutely great! They love spoiling me and showering me with lots of hugs and kisses. I have now a new elder brother, Kuya Chuma who is crazy and really loud. But he’s been good to me, playing with me and all. He even taught me how to chew on slippers which our mama forbid us to do. But I dunno, it tastes good. There’s Pot-pot and Ming-ming, the two cats which I am certain they don’t like me as much. But now we learned to co-exist, and I would stay out of their way otherwise I would meet their fatal claws. And there are mama’s siblings, Tita Kat and Tito Kelvin who also loves playing with me. Tita Kat would play with me before she goes to bed, and I sometimes sneak into her room, stealing kisses from her. She’s not a fan of me licking her face, but she just smells so good! Tito Kelvin is the best, because whenever he’s babysitting he would let me chew on some furniture, and I can stay inside the house all night long!
My mama and papa loves travelling. She would show me some photos of her trips, sharing stories about it, and tells me how much she would want me to join her and her friends on their travels someday. The best part is whenever she would take me riding in her bicycle! Now I know why she loves riding because it felt like flying! I like the taste of the wind and how it would sometimes blind my eyes. If we’re not cycling, we would be running. I could tell how much she hated her weight, and has always been insecure about it. I dunno, for me she’s still my super mom. But I think it’s a good thing that I’m getting cuter as I grow, because whenever we go running or cycling, the attention would be drawn to me and not to her. That way, she won’t be as self-conscious and insecure. I dunno about her, but I love her being cuddly. And if someone tells her otherwise, I will bite their faces off.
One time she went home crying, I didn’t know what to do. I know she misses papa because they haven’t spoken for a couple of days now because of the lack of signal or something. I just nibbled her toes and try to make her feel better. I don’t know why but there’s something about toes that I love. Before papa left, he told me it’s my job to look after her. I know she misses travelling with papa maybe that’s why she takes me everywhere she goes, whenever it permits her. Since I saw her crying that day I never left her side. Even when she has to go to the toilet I would cry until she lets me in.
Then the sickness came. I was diagnosed with Parvo virus, they say it is a fatal illness to most babies like me. As mama drives on our way home, I could tell that she was anxious. She kept fidgeting and biting her nails just the way she does when she’s anxious. She keeps checking up on me more than the usual and making me take these medicines that tastes funny, she tells me it should make me feel better. But she could tell I’m not getting any better.
Then we started visiting the doctor more often, they even put this dextrose on me because my appetite started failing. Even when it’s hard for me to walk, I still want to impress mama that I could still pee outside. But then my legs starts to fail me as well, and I felt bad that mama has to clean up after me. She assures me it was okay, it was no big deal but I could tell something’s really wrong. I know I have to bid her goodbye very soon.
Mama would always stay by side, day and night. She and Tita Kat takes turn taking care of me and assures me that everything’s gonna be okay. That I should just concentrate on getting better so we can go to the park again. They made sure that I was comfortable, despite the illness. I wouldn’t know what I’m gonna do if mama was away. It would have been a lot scarier without her here. I missed running with her. And I also miss running with my Kuya Chuma, but I wasn’t allowed to play with him until I am completely well.
Then the seizures came, which was the hardest. For moments, I would feel numb, and still as a statue and all I could hear was Tita Kat whispering to me it’s gonna be okay. I knew she was crying, her voice was breaking. That night I had a dream that mama and I were biking again. I told her to go faster because I couldn’t feel the wind in my face anymore.
My last night was peaceful. No seizures came, and I slept mostly the entire time. I was woken up by the sound of fireworks. Easter Sunday came and they’re having a procession outside going to the church. It’s still dark outside but mama is already awake, just sitting by my side looking at me. I let her know it’s time for me to go. I believe she understood it and took me in her arms. I can smell mama’s shampoo and the heat of the summer day in her skin. Whenever she carries me like this, I would always fell asleep in her chest. Then she starts letting out a soft sob, she said she was sorry that she couldn’t save me. I wanted to tell her I disagree, that I know she did everything she could to save me. She tells me she’s made peace of letting me go if I had to. I let out a soft sigh in agreement.
The short time that we spent together are the best days of my life. I wish she would just remember the happy days we spent and not the days when I was frailty. The days when we would go running and cycling, playing around or simply staying at the house with the rest of the family. I know when another baby comes into her life, she would love it as much as she loved me. She needs to share her immense love for babies like me, and make this world a better place one puppy at a time. And when that day comes, I couldn’t be more happy to see her genuine smile once again.