As I sit there, sipping my coffee and inhaling the second-hand smoke nearby, I keep on asking myself: What the fuck are you doing here, KC? I was on my way to work when he called me and asking if we could meet up. Apparently, this person I’m waiting for in the coffee shop is in need of help and consolation. And the next thing I knew, I was speeding up to our meeting place and got there 30 minutes earlier. I regret not bringing a book to read on since I just recently finished Les Miserables and decided to rest my eyes and mind from reading. I figured that’s a dumb decision, cause there are lots of things flashing on my mind as I wait there. I should bail out, leave as soon as possible while he has not yet arrived. In the middle of my reverie, he texted “I’m almost there.”
Shoot. This is it.
I’m about to meet the last person I wanted to meet. This is the person who made me miserable for five months, so miserable that it made me choke every time I’m about to utter his name. That even the thought of him brings shiver to my spine. This person brings me nightmare and never failed to wake me up in the middle of the night, crying and hugging myself. As I recall on our last conversation, the words he left me were like knives stabbed through my chest. Those words haunted me, made me doubt myself and what I’m capable of. I swear, I have never felt so small, vulnerable in my entire life. I loathed him and he wished me dead, or so to speak.
Yet, when he called me up few days ago, all these emotions, memories, anger, remorse, whatever shit there is in my heart that dictates about him has suddenly been pushed aside. I was taken aback that he was calling me. And I hate myself for still remembering his damn cellular number even though I have already deleted it! He needed a friend, he needed advice and I couldn’t manage to turn my back on him despite all the things that happened between us just because of these two simple reasons: He is a friend, and I loved him. Even though I was like, of all people you’re turning to me now? It’s so absurd, and much absurd when I agreed to meet up with him and lend him my shoulder! Spell torture?! hahaha
If I were still my old version of myself like few months ago, I should be laughing my ass off and feeling the victory in my hands because somehow I got my revenge because of what he’s going through, but then again, that person was gone. Surprisingly, I’m mature enough to let bygones be bygones. I couldn’t even believe it myself, but yeah. Not being conceited and all, but I guess I really have a kind heart (This is Jean Valjean’s influence on me haha). That friendship to me is all about being there for your friend even though that friend has hurt you a million times already. That I can be selfless, and not focusing on my benefit but for what a friend needs the most. That I can be entirely happy for my friend even though I’m not a part of it. And I just sat there, listening to his dilemmas and sharing his emotions, as I did my best to uplift him and give my thoughts on the issues involved. I was glad that he listened to me, and considered my opinions. The emotional barrier between us a few months ago has suddenly dissolved, this thought gives me relief.
I knew things are gonna be hard for him but there’s no need to judge him for what has happened. I have faith that he’ll do the right thing and consider all these things as a blessing and not as a hindrance for his dreams and the future ahead of him. And surprisingly, I can say, from the bottom of my heart that I wish him all the best. Then I realized moving on isn’t all ab0ut forgiving others, it’s also about asking for forgiveness and be granted to you.
And without even saying it out loud, I knew we have already forgiven each other.