I realized today that in order for an individual to be comfortable being with someone else, that person has to be comfortable with being alone.
Tonight I did something extra ordinary for me; I watched a movie all by myself. It’s kinda weird and awkward, I mean, I’m like a loner for pete’s sake! Hahaha I just didn’t want a company for today and although I miss my friends and it would be much enjoyable and not to mention, less-weird-looking watching a film with friends or someone else and being able to talk about it afterwards, amazingly I had fun with just being alone! I’ve been bugging my friends to watch “The Perks of Being a Wallflower” for days because after reading the book few months ago, I was instantly drawn to it, like I can literally read it over and over again and it would still have the same effect on me! But they have their boyfriends and girlfriends with them so I’d rather not insist on watching with them. And I HAVE to watch it whether I’m alone or not, so the next I know is, I’m buying my ticket online! Hahaha The story plot is just fucking brilliant! To hell with Breaking Dawn, I’m gonna totally ditch shimmering vampires for weird kids who listens to The Smiths!HAHAHAHA
The truth is, I’ve been drinking and partying for the past few months and it was fun. But then, I think I’m getting tired of it. I’ve been avoiding everything and drowning myself with liquor and it’s time to face the truth. The first step is to vindicate myself. I need to clean myself and get rid of the baggage that weighs me down; I need to shake ‘em out. I’m looking around my room, and I needed to redecorate. It’s something I usually do to get myself focused and take out all the trash that’s been hanging around for quite some time. I need to get myself organized. Second, I’ve got few pending books to read and I haven’t given time to it because of too much partying. And it’s not me; I’m a bookworm not a party-girl. I collect books and cover them with plastic wrapper to protect them, how insane is that huh? haha I’m a weird kid who loves to paints my walls while listening to Explosions in the sky or Mogwai. I’m a dog-lover and now I don’t have time to even walk my dogs and give them proper meal. I love experimenting with different recipes and now all I eat with my brother are take-home meals from fast food chains and instant noodles. And lately, I haven’t been talking to God and letting him in… I’ve missed a lot of church activities on our place because I always go home late and drunk and I’m not setting a good example to the youths who are looking up to me even until now. And so I have to pull myself together and start figuring things out for the better. Really, watching alone made me realize all these things! Hahahaha
I’m sure my friends will be relieved upon hearing what I just realized and plans. Don’t judge them, they have been accompanying me with partying and drinking all night because I asked them to. They’re just being great friends who patiently waits for me to realize all these shits and finally get a move on. They know it could never happen overnight, they know I have to get through the long and painstaking process of this and I’m glad to have taken this journey with them.
Yes, I’m alone. I may stay this way for quite some time; I may be sitting in the theatre, watch concerts, eat my lunch, go on vacation, drink cocktails in the bar, read books in the coffee shop, all these, all by myself. But it doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone. I’m telling you, with my hectic and demanding job, plus all my affiliations and stuffs, I can’t and don’t have time to feel alone and vulnerable again! Hahaha
With coffee and cigars, gas on my tank, bucks in my pocket, cool rock and indie playlist on my background, being single… and I’m happy.
Cheers to being alone and be totally fine with it! 🙂