Don’t you just hate waking up in a Sunday morning all by yourself?
I’m lonesome. I’ve been for quite a while and it’s a terrible, terrible feeling.
I miss my parents. I haven’t talked to them for ages. I miss my dad’s silly jokes or my mom’s scolding me for no apparent reasons. I miss my siblings. My brother is out of town for three days and he hasn’t texted or called me since Friday and I never thought I’m gonna say this out loud but I really do miss him. Even though we mostly fight whenever he comes inside the house with his shoes on. I hate it when he does that but I can’t believe I’m missing it. And I miss my sister, my bestfriend and my worst enemy. I miss having arguments with her, doing the grocery together and I miss crying on her shoulder in the middle of the night. My birthday is in a week and not being with them on my day makes it more terrible, what more during the Holidays?
I’ve been waking up all by myself for a year and 3 months now since my sister left for Italy.
I hate waking up all by myself on a Sunday morning… I can’t believe how pathetic I am right now for breaking down because I feel lonely and I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I’m such a lonely little soul and I’m just sad and I can’t hide it anymore. The truth is I’ve been hiding my true feelings and I’m getting really good at it, that even God Himself can’t seem to tell…. 😦
My friends envy our situation because my brother and I have the whole house to ourselves. In our culture, living apart from your parents and having a freedom from them is a big deal. We don’t have any guardian or a parent to ask permission to every time we wanna go out. Our friends can come over, or crash anytime, or we have house parties every week or just hang out and cook dinner. For the most part, it’s truly a dream come true for teenagers or for someone who just wants their own freedom to do whatever they want. We’ve been living the same set-up since we were in high school and I’m telling you, it’s sad.
I can’t help but admire the whole family dining together or attending mass together or mom and daughter shopping about. Or simply having a mom or dad to talk to whenever you have a love problem. Sometimes you just need a good cry and know that you won’t be judged for what you’ve done. I miss my mom waking me up with her kisses. I miss my dad dancing to silly commercials on TV. I miss talking while dining with them. I miss doing DVD marathon with my siblings.
Our neighbors, friends, relatives admire us for being independent and running a household in such a young age and that we we’re responsible and haven’t got ourselves knocked up hahaha But sometimes it’s really tiring to always put on a straight face and always pull it together. Growing up, my siblings and I have been looking after each other and it’s liberating but tiring at the same time… and today is one of those days that the loneliness and missing your loved ones starts sinking in. Like, for once I don’t want to be strong and invincible, I wanna be just human who gets tired and feeling weak. Just once, you know? And have someone to hug you and tell you it’s okay to cry and feel these things and assure you that everything’s gonna be okay..
It’s 8:44 am and I’m supposed to be resting but I can’t calm down. I’ve been tossing and turning in my sleep and I’ve been crying since I woke up….
Come home… please come home 😦