Sad Sunday Morning…

Don’t you just hate waking up in a Sunday morning all by yourself?

I’m lonesome. I’ve been for quite a while and it’s a terrible, terrible feeling.

I miss my parents. I haven’t talked to them for ages. I miss my dad’s silly jokes or my mom’s scolding me for no apparent reasons. I miss my siblings. My brother is out of town for three days and he hasn’t texted or called me since Friday and I never thought I’m gonna say this out loud but I really do miss him. Even though we mostly fight whenever he comes inside the house with his shoes on. I hate it when he does that but I can’t believe I’m missing it. And I miss my sister, my bestfriend and my worst enemy. I miss having arguments with her, doing the grocery together and I miss crying on her shoulder in the middle of the night. My birthday is in a week and not being with them on my day makes it more terrible, what more during the Holidays?

I’ve been waking up all by myself for a year and 3 months now since my sister left for Italy.

I hate waking up all by myself on a Sunday morning… I can’t believe how pathetic I am right now for breaking down because I feel lonely and I’ve never felt so vulnerable in my entire life. I’m such a lonely little soul and I’m just sad and I can’t hide it anymore. The truth is I’ve been hiding my true feelings and I’m getting really good at it, that even God Himself can’t seem to tell…. 😦

My friends envy our situation because my brother and I have the whole house to ourselves. In our culture, living apart from your parents and having a freedom from them is a big deal. We don’t have any guardian or a parent to ask permission to every time we wanna go out. Our friends can come over, or crash anytime, or we have house parties every week or just hang out and cook dinner. For the most part, it’s truly a dream come true for teenagers or for someone who just wants their own freedom to do whatever they want. We’ve been living the same set-up since we were in high school and I’m telling you, it’s sad.

I can’t help but admire the whole family dining together or attending mass together or mom and daughter shopping about. Or simply having a mom or dad to talk to whenever you have a love problem. Sometimes you just need a good cry and know that you won’t be judged for what you’ve done. I miss my mom waking me up with her kisses. I miss my dad dancing to silly commercials on TV. I miss talking while dining with them. I miss doing DVD marathon with my siblings.

Our neighbors, friends, relatives admire us for being independent and running a household in such a young age and that we we’re responsible and haven’t got ourselves knocked up hahaha But sometimes it’s really tiring to always put on a straight face and always pull it together. Growing up, my siblings and I have been looking after each other and it’s liberating but tiring at the same time… and today is one of those days that the loneliness and missing your loved ones starts sinking in. Like, for once I don’t want to be strong and invincible, I wanna be just human who gets tired and feeling weak. Just once, you know? And have someone to hug you and tell you it’s okay to cry and feel these things and assure you that everything’s gonna be okay..

It’s 8:44 am and I’m supposed to be resting but I can’t calm down. I’ve been tossing and turning in my sleep and I’ve been crying since I woke up….

Come home… please come home 😦

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14 comments on “Sad Sunday Morning…

  1. .. don’t cry – to wake up alone I done for years now .. and I quite like it – can do what ever I want … stay in bed, have breakfast in bed, can watch movie until after lunch … I think you’re still in pain, as you say you miss him. We have to learn to like our own company too and the good in life don’t depend on a man in our life. My thoughts go out to you .. and a big firm hug.

    • *HUG BACK*

      Waking up today, I’m feeling much better. Yesterday as I was crying in bed, I had lots of realizations. first, I know I still have feelings for him but at the same time I also respect our boundaries. We could have been perfect for each other and be together but we are not so I have to accept that fact. Next is, I’m dependent to the company of my friends and loved ones that being apart from them makes me vulnerable, it’s okay but sometimes I have to take a leap of being stronger and braver and be able to stand up on my own. And lastly, I may from time to time will be looking for someone to hold me close but I know that I can make it through this life even when I’m alone, but being alone doesn’t mean being lonely at all πŸ™‚ thank you for always reminding me how it’s perfect to be alive and kicking πŸ™‚

      • Of course you shouldn’t live alone – that’s not meant to be – but you can’t hang up all your happiness on a partner – happiness you have to find in yourself … first of all, before you can find it together with somebody. Think you know it. Don’t cry … you have fantastic friends and they will be there for you – but lovers comes and goes.

  2. We all cried when we were brought into this world. That’s how human start their so-called cycle of life. πŸ™‚

    KC, it’s okay to cry. I’m crying now because of your post and this freaking movie (Love and Other Drugs). Huhuhu.

    Side Joke:

    I think this is the gayest comment I’ve ever made…ever. Lol

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