The 20 mins. drive from Mindanao Ave. to Novaliches a week ago seems like the longest drive I’ve ever endured.
It’s kinda hard to focus on driving when your eyes are all sore and puffy from crying and you’re having trouble breathing. And for the first time, I thank God for the traffic; it helps my mind wander on the busy streets of Bayan.
I’ve had my fair share of broken heart stories and recovered a couple of times but this one is by far, how do I say this… unexpected? Surprising, I guess. Honestly, I’m still at awe on how things happened and I’m still putting the pieces together. I guess the bottom line is, when a couple have different outlook on how a relationship should go, then that’s definitely not gonna work out. No matter how deep your love is for each other… It’s nobody’s fault, I’d like to stop blaming him or myself for this parting ways. You see, when the hindrance to your relationship is larger and heavier than the both of you, then no matter how hard you hold on to save it, it will just continue on sinking into the deep. And the best way to do is to just let it go for the meantime and keep a leap of faith that destiny or some magical love string will bring you back together. I was never the type who believes in destiny or so called fate, but in this desperate measure, I’d like to think there is such that exists, something that I can hold on to as far as my patience and love can take me… Just like believing in God, you pray to Him even when there’s no proof that He listens.
Do I wish for a different ending? Do I wish to go back to the start? Of course I do. Who would want to love another and let it go to waste right? Like I said, I’m just a simple girl who only wants hearts and flowers. Do I regret that I’ve invested a lot of myself, my efforts, and love for this man? My friends think so, I’d like to think so too. But what can I do when both my mind and heart are telling me otherwise. They say you can’t argue with love.. damn you, whoever said that! See, aside from being compulsive, the other thing I hate most about myself is my being stubborn. Sigh.
Everybody deserves a second chance on love… When you’ve been given that chance with someone you cherished the most, do your very best not to screw things up the second time. Not everyone were given the chance like you do and not everyone were forgiven. Don’t wait till remorse is knocking on your door telling you, you should have been more patient, or you should have been more understanding and you could’ve been his favorite girl. The should have’s, what if’s and could have’s are hunting me and getting on my nerves. Tsk.
Relationship is a bitch.
It’s a horrible truth.
If you think getting into a relationship is like eating your favorite ice cream with cherry on the top, then you’re dead wrong. Drop that ice cream, and start running! LOL Getting into a relationship is like having a gun always pointed at your head, ready to shoot when you’ve done something wrong or not said the right words at the right time. It’s like you’re hanging on a thin thread and underneath you are spikes, ready to stab you with one little mistake. There’s no room for imperfection and impatience, only selflessness. How can you be so selfless when you received only too little?
I’m actually having doubts in whether I’d publish this post or not since it’s been in my drafts for a couple of days now. Besides, I don’t want to bore you out with my yet, another love problem. But I just needed to let this out, you know. Or else I might lose my sanity!
I get it, men are the enemy. Fuck that.
I still love the enemy. 😦
And no matter how I push the feelings and thoughts away from me as much as I can, I know that I’d rather face the misunderstandings, the fights, and all the drama as long as it’s with him. Nobody else.
Dammit!!! I’d give anything in the world just to have this pain taken away from me. Oh please, I’m begging you! I feel so helpless and this love is taking all of my energy…
Alas, another love gone to waste. Another dream down the drain. Another tears to shed. Another pages of the story scrapped and unwritten. Another memory I have to force myself to forget. Another sleepless nights staring at the ceiling. Endless anothers…
But I’m a big girl now and the years, pain, and experiences have toughen my skin and heart and I know I’ll be able to relax and recover sooner or later.. I may be hurting now but that doesn’t stop me in the hopes of finally being able to be free of this pain again and live my life like I used to, carefree. But as of now, I hope you’d respect me if I’d say I’d linger in this stage for a few more moments until I’ve completely recovered..
P.S. Thanks for yet again, enduring this post 🙂 I hope nothing more follows!