The art of missing someone

It’s been four days. No call. No text. No show up. Really an asshole.

But I miss him.

DAMMIT!

I hate this feeling. I’m fighting my urge not to go to work today since its my off and my colds and cough are not getting any better but I can’t find any sensible things to do except think about it. What the fuck is he doing to me?? It’s so unfair?! I mean, how do I know if he feels the same way right? Or do I ever crossed his mind?! ARGH damn you stupid jerk! I hate you!!!!!!! I hate you so much I wanna poke your eyes out and make you eat it! EEEWWWWW I just realized that was just gross! LOL

Who am I kidding? Of course I don’t hate him. For pete’s sake I love this guy. I guess I hate the idea that I do love him. And I know he loves me back, I know so. He just seldom falls short in showing it. I hate how things turned out… I hate how stupid he is and I hate how stupid I am for letting him be stupid. Huh?!

Yesterday at work I try to keep myself busy. Any idle moments would just lead me to daydreaming and I can’t let that happen. So I called my best gay friend who is awesome a.k.a. Bianka King to watch movie with me. Of course he wanted to watch an indie film about gay romance so we argued a bit about it! hahahaha What the hell right?? So anyway, we ended up watching Batman 🙂 Which we oh so love!!!

First of, I feel terrible about the shooting in Colorado during the premiere of this movie… What on earth was he thinking? Lunatics like him should rot in cell or better yet, in hell. So going back, the film was incredibly done, from the  fight scenes to the automobiles, not to mention the great cast! Okay, I’m gonna write a review about the film on my next blog 🙂

While waiting for the scheduled viewing of the film, Bianka and I chatted and spent our time open-reading in a bookstore. You know, typical catching up and making jokes right here and there while blurting out our admiration and criticism about the famous local and Hollywood actors, it’s kinda fun actually hehe. Well, Bianka could be a really great company in times like this, he’d just make you laugh non stop! By the end of the day, my jaw and stomach are aching because of laughing too much! I mentioned to him that Kev and I had a terrible fight the other day, and as much as I wanna share it to you and since my life is an open blogsite, I just think it’s best not to reveal everything. Maybe to add a little mystery, nah, just kidding 🙂 But seriously, because Kev is such a private person and to tell you honestly, he has gone through a lot of adjustment of how public my life is, from this blogsite and previous ones, to my facebook and twitter accounts and the fact that our connections are intertwined, you know what I mean? And as much as you guys know him already (somehow from my previous blogs) I just think I owe him this credit this time.

I have different types of friends that I confide to. I’m sure you do too. All of them give great advice and I truly appreciate them for that but in different situations, I go to different friends. hehe For example, when something’s troubling me and I just need someone to talk to and listen, I’d go to my best childhood friend, Jem. She’s really sensitive and a good listener, and the best part is, she’s always on my side! haha No matter what the story is, I would always end up being the protagonist in the story, great right? LOL. Sometimes I talk to Abigail who always sees both sides of the story. She would deliberately weigh the situation and shares her opinion about it. But she’s in Canada now and we couldn’t catch each other in Skype most of the time. When I’m having problems and I need someone to point me to the right direction, I talk to my highschool bestfriend, Rhona.  When I need to divert my attention or drink to my hearts content, I would call up Gresh or Fritzi, my two best college buds. And when I need a good laugh and forget about my worries and stuff, I’d hang out with Bianka! 🙂

What’s surprising is that he did gave advice that is truly helpful. You see, what frustrates me is that, why can’t guys read between the lines? Why can’t guys act spontaneously in a relationship?  I mean, do we really have to give you guidelines on how to BE a perfect boyfriend and do perfect things AS A boyfriend? Is it necessary to have a “Relationship-101-seesion” with you from time to time. It’s just frustrating, really! Then he said that guys take ALL things literally. That’s it. It’s like if you tell them to “Shut up”, they would stop talking when all you really mean is “Tell me more. Explain more.” Or when you tell them “Get out! I don’t wanna see you ever again!” they’re instantly out of the door when it really means “Don’t go, just stay here.” Or if you tell them “I wanna break-up with you!” they would stop trying to make things work because you said so, when you really mean was “Fight for me…”

AAAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHH

Trust me, this is a constant dilemma of each and every girls out there. I know so.

Then a realization hit me. If you’re with a sensitive guy who senses whenever there’s a problem, then you’re lucky enough. But for some girls who aren’t that lucky, I guess we really need a guideline. We tend to think and imagine to the extreme, so we expect things to the extreme as well, I’m guilty on this one actually. It’s like, when you want something to be done you’d expect that he thinks about it too and would have it done for you just to make you happy, even if its the most simplest thing in the world. EEENNNGGGKKK!!! Wrong!

Unless you tell them to do so, that’s the time that they would think about it. Let me clear that up. When you tell him what you want, NEVER ASSUME that he would do it instantly (unless you REALLY, REALLY demand for it hihi), there’s a method; The information would sink in his brain, he would consider doing it, thought about it even more and most probably imagine how would you react when he’s done it, but don’t presume that it will happen in a fast pace because when bastketball, poker or other stuffs catches their attention, puff! The information simply evaporates and you’re in ground zero again.. (rolling my eyes).

This realization helped a lot. But still, why can’t they just figure out things on their own?! I mean, us, women doesn’t need a constant reminder of what we have to do to make our partners happy! Right? (sigh) Is it too hard for them to WILLINGLY know what would please us, women? It’s not like they’re in the third grade or something where they doesn’t have a single idea what’s going on except waiting for the classes to end?! It’s not like they’re in their first relationship, right? So for me, there’s just no fucking excuse to screw this up.

We live in such a cynical, cynical world tsk.

Xoxo,

KC

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8 comments on “The art of missing someone

  1. Hi there, girl ….. life is too short for assholes – so wash him out of your hair. There is more to life then men … I know I have lived long enough. Life is full of fun, adventure and experiences – and they don’t have to include a man. Friends are more important then what a guy is – and live with them .. enjoy them .. have fun with them. Life is a big part of what we make it to be – and life is not given back to us … days that has passed has passed – GONE! You have a choice – to live in the past and waiting on him to act or live today and act on your own. Good luck!

    • Wow… very well said viveka. Honestly, I wanna do that. I wanna turn my back on this situation and start anew but somehow, something’s pulling me back.. It’s really frustrating but I’m reflecting on your advice. Right now I’m feeling much better and thanks to you as well for always being there 🙂 have a great weekend!

      • Good for you ….. when you start thinking about changes – it’s a step in the right way. Life is to short to sit and wait for a man. It’s nice to have a partner – but we can’t hang up our life to rest until we find somebody. Enjoy being you … and your friends. Soon enough somebody will come along. So long we are desperate we will end up with the wrong men. *smile … great weekend to you too.

    • Thanks Emily! I’m feeling much better because of the support system I’ve been getting from my readers such as yourself 🙂 truly means a lot! thank you!

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